12 Simple Tips on How to Stop WorryingDedicated to Tim Mayer
“I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain
The problem with too much worrying is that it spoils our day, depletes our energy, creates unnecessary stress and robs us from living an enjoyable life. It can get to be a bad habit. Since we cannot help but entertain some worries and concerns, especially if we are dealing with cancer, apply some of these tips that can help you start to regain a sense of control and overcome worries.
1. Identify the Stinger
The first tip is to point out what causes the worry, and do some analysis of the real risk and your goals. Keeping hold of your goals is a very important element. What you want and a belief that you can obtain it has got to be bigger in your mind that what you are afraid of losing. Goals can shift or modify but they've got to be yours.
When analyzing your worry, for heaven's sake don't rely on statistics. They are not relevant to individuals and are based on OLD data. Realize that there are, as Mark Twain famously said, three categories of mendacity: lies, damned lies and statistics. Read The Median Isn't the Message < http://cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html > Statistical curves may be curves, but they don' tell you where you are on that curve; and they certainly don't include new treatments and changing times that will effect that curve eventually. Statistics are a rear view mirror and you can't drive with your eyes looking behind you.
Realize that in your worry, you may not be assessing a situation correctly. You can find yourself engrossed, thinking about possibilities that may not happen. Identify some people, especially experts, who can help you turn your thoughts around and get you past that stinger. Look for pole stars and inspirational thoughts to give you a different perspective. You can do this. Focus on those who have made it. The realistic approach and analyzing the situation in totality, focusing on the positive and your goals, may help you deal with the worry more effectively. Identify the distressful and worrisome thoughts, and list down a few positive statements you can substitute when the negative, worrisome statements surface in your mind.
2. Discipline Your Thoughts
The amazing thing about our minds is that they are capable of controlling our thoughts. You can take advantage of that by disciplining your thoughts. This technique is based on consciously issuing the command “Stop! I'm not going there" whenever you are feeling the pull of negative or worrisome thoughts. Then, try to replace the negative thoughts with more realistic and positive feelings and ideas, as above. With practice, you'll catch yourself earlier and earlier and shifting gears will become easier.
3. Remind Yourself to be Hopeful and Optimistic
Pessimism and fear are the main reasons behind worrying. One way to stop worrying is quite simply to hope for the best. Trust in your doctor and your support systems. And if you don't have confidence in your doctors, find a new one and start building a better support team. Having a positive attitude can do wonders, and prevent you from the getting obsessed and worried. As the same time, it is necessary to be prepared for the worst. Identify the worst case scenario, how likely is it to happen, accept the facts and then work towards improving it, with the knowledge that you have far more power than you may be giving yourself credit for. Denial is perhaps as dangerous as fear and it leaves the fear hovering in the background. Face the worst long enough to make sure you are taking adequate steps to avoid it. Identify your aces-in-the-hole. There are always options. Reach for them. Learn about clinical trials, attend workshops such as those hosted by Lymphoma Research Foundation, Cancer Connect, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, the American Cancer Society, etc. More often than not you can, "ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
4. Keep a Journal
It certainly helps to write down your worries, and tackle them one at a time. Make room in your journal to celebrate your victories and happy moments when they occur. When writing about your concerns, the key is to view them as puzzles or problems to be solved. Break them down. Approach them concretely and simply. Plan well and have realistic expectations. Having faith in yourself can help you handle any situation. When you feel that you are worrying unnecessarily, try to distract yourself to stop worrying. Small things such as calling up a friend, cleaning the room, taking the dog for a walk, turning on some upbeat music, reading a book or watching a movie can be quite helpful. Be sure to then touch base with your journal and record your better mood and outlook. Spend as much time journaling the resolutions of problems and new, hopeful perspectives.
5. Ask the Support of Your Community
If you are currently a member of a certain community (PAL, support group, church, etc.), you can ask their support. If you aren't, then seek a community, whether it be in person or online. It can be quite beneficial to have a support group, but when talking to your friends, consciously seek to de-dramatize, to look for calming, more reasonable words to describe your situation. Understatement and humor help tremendously. Words have power. Avoid exaggerated or hyperbolic expressions. Avoid cliches and catchwords. Look for more matter of fact ways of explaining things. Keep things calm and cool. The way you internalize the situation and the way you express it to others directly affects the level of stress or worry you experience. Things really are bad enough and you can get the attention and support you need without becoming a Lifetime movie of the week. Keep it real.
6. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Find "coaches" and "cheerleaders" who can help you trust yourself more. Right now you need your A team, even if some of the members are new to you. Avoid folks who pull you down or encourage worry, even if they are close family or old and dear friends. Reduce the amount of time you spend with worriers and naysayers. And when you know you are going to see a debbie downer, plan an uplifting event immediately following or as soon after as possible. Empowerment and positivity are contagious. Seek out the buoyant and hopeful. Negativity can be too. And it can be subtle. Don't feel guilty for benching those who drag you down. You need to spend time with uplifting supporters -- they can be in person, on the phone, online or even on television. Find a cancer mentor or buddy. Someone who's been there and made it can be a wonderful inspiration. Imerman Angels, the Lymphoma Research Foundation, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and LIVESTRONG are great resources for matching you to a cancer buddy.
7. Meditation and Prayer
Meditation works and studies show it boosts happiness and quality of life. It also improves brain structure, building parts of your brain that foster good mood and positive outlook and reducing anxiety and worry. It is like mental weight-lifting to get emotionally "buff." Find relaxation. There are many forms of meditative practices, and you can choose one based on your need and time available. Some people also find strength in spirituality and prayer that helps them stop worrying. Both meditation and prayer can help you relax and rest. Staying rested can also help deal with situations in a better way.
8. Make a Decision.
If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome. An imperfect decision today is better than a perfect one tomorrow. Chances are if it isn't quite the right decision, you can change course. You are aiming for the "best" decision made with available information, not the "right" decision. There is no such thing as the "right" decision.
9. Confront the Problem Head-On and Keep it Simple.
It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Or it can be that the problem mushrooms or tumbles into another problem and another. Soon all your problems are one big, unresolvable tangle. Deal with one problem at a time and deal with it as soon as possible. Deal with the simplest and easiest thing first. One step, one problem at a time. If you find yourself frozen, reach out to one of your support people and ask them to help you get unstuck. If you can't find someone at that moment, get physically unstuck: walk, run, swim, go out. This can help you get mentally unstuck fairly quickly. You'll find that if you can shift one thing, the rest might fall into place. Garrison Keillor once advised someone with problems they were avoiding that they could keep bumping their head against that wall of problems until their head ached or get a running start and burst straight through that wall to the other side. The choice is often a long, dull ache in your permanent background or a short burst of "pain" to deal with the unpleasant and get it over with.
10. Count Your Blessings.
Things may look bleak indeed but be creative. In a quiet moment, take a small stack of 3 x 5 index cards and put one blessing in your life on each card. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world (even in winter). Name a person you're glad to know. Make a list of beautiful thoughts. A color, an image that brings you cheer. Don't let yourself stray to what you don't have or feel frustrated about. Focus on things that bring a smile to your face. Keep the stack of happy-making, grounding things that you are thankful for handy to pull out in your anxious moments.
11. There Is No Such Thing as Control, There is Only Finesse
A lesson learned while watching surfers. They didn't make the ocean and they don't create the waves. They learn to feel them coming and ride them. Many tumbles and wipe outs occur before they, or we, gain finesse. But with practice and perseverance, we get there. We must learn to trust ourselves and have faith that we will be able to handle what happens. Form a plan of action. Well, if "A" happens, I can do this or that. Gain knowledge. You don't have to be frantic about it. Step by step remember. Reach out to the trusted sources around you, your doctors, nurses, the social services department at your medical center, PAL, Lymphoma Research Foundation, Lymphoma Association, Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, McMillan Cancer UK, National Cancer Institute, the websites of the big medical centers such as MD Anderson, Memorial Sloan Kettering, Dana-Farber, Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, Fred Hutchinson, etc. Start with one thing, one step, one wave, and you will get there.
12. Develop a Routine
When life's a muddle or in crisis, keep to a routine. Try to wake and go to bed at the same times. Keep meal times regular. Keep to a structure and a schedule as much as possible. Making life as predictable as you can will help reduce stress and conserve energy. Planning helps you feel in control. Make sure you are getting adequate rest and down time. Make sure you're including exercise and enjoyment time. Plan your days or week as if you were planning a project at work, with the same attention to detail and pride of professionalism. No one deserves your best efforts more than you. If there's too much to do for your current energy level, don't be shy, ask for help, delegate. Tell your friends, family members that you need them -- give them a specific, limited task and give them a time frame so they won't feel it as overwhelming or burdensome. A time frame is not a deadline; it's when they can expect (for this go around) to be able to go off duty. People can't be kept on hold or on permanent stand by. you'll get more help if both the request and the duration are limited. You can make more requests later, but keep each one "bite size".
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