Stick it to Cancer!

I start this by saying that I feel like I'm going through withdrawals. I have not had any doctor or oncologist appointments in a while now, and I don't see either oncologist until the new year. This has probably been the longest period I will go without seeing one doctor or the other.

I still have my appointments with my social worker at the cancer center, and also appointments with my dietitian there as well, so I'm not totally without being at the center for one thing or another. I have to say that I've gotten attached to the place. A place you never really want to see or be in, however after spending so much time there you get attached to the people there. Such a fantastic group there, I don't know how they do it, always so bright, cheerful and always with a smile.

The Montreal Stars Vs. The Toronto Furies

Brenda working the T-shirt table This past 

Me manning the T-shirt table.

This past weekend Brenda and I had the opportunity to volunteer for The Breast Ride Ever Stick it to Cancer Canadian Women's Hockey League event benefiting the Cancer Center, and seen some of those smiling faces there. We  both enjoyed working that event and look forward to it again next year.

Dec 08/08

As I continue writing this today, December 1 2011, I am reflecting on where I was in my journey just three years ago today. Today back in 2008 it was day 0 of my stem cell / bone marrow transplant, a procedure which took all of forty five minutes to re-infuse me with my own cells/marrow and seemed such a simple process for all the hoopla about it. Oh how naive I was back then to think it was so simple. Within a couple days of the re-infusion, when my immune system was all but gone, the sore throat, mouth sores, severe diarrhea and just the over all pain, began taking over my body.

Not so simple at all I found out, and in very short order! As I reflect today, I went back in the history of my Facebook notes and re-read from that time period. There was a gap between December 5 and December 10th with no entries. No entries because it's a period in time that to this day is very foggy in my memory. The only real recollection other than being hooked up to a morphine pain pump and one of the days having several doctors in my room due to having an almost zero blood pressure I don't recall much else.

50th Ice Cream Cake!

Somewhere in there was my 50th birthday, for which I have photo's Brenda took, and I look back on to actually see how "out of it" I really was. I also recall the ice cream cake Brenda and her mom brought me, thinking as I did, that it would be soothing on the sore throat. Wrong! I had maybe one and a half pieces. The nurses on the floor got the majority of that cake!

Cranking up the Floyd on the Mp3!

The Mp3 player Brenda had gotten me was an added bonus to being "out of it" , she loaded it with nothing but Pink Floyd tunes. How perfect, being a huge Pink Floyd fan, and this is why I am even more a fan today, if that is possible. That music got me through some of the toughest days of my life.

The next few years have still been an up an down battle, being careful to keep away from sick people and not get sick myself. A new diagnosis of Nodular Lymphocyte Predominate Hodgkin's since then in January of 2010, then a relapse confirmed again in January 2011.

It will be a year on December 17th since my oncologist called with the news of the enlarged nodes in my mediastinal region and I've been on watch and wait since. My latest scans still showed very minimal growth, however, I'm far from being comfortable with that. After all, it's cancer and it's growing within me. How long is long enough to watch and wait? How far do you let it go? I've been told that as long as it's not interfering with anything internally and not causing any pain or problems then there is no need to worry.

Well, watch and "worry" is how I refer to it these days, because that is exactly what I do, worry.  I worry about, what happens if I wait to long to start treatment? What happens if I do treatment now, use up one of my last few options and I relapse again? Will I relapse again? Am I being paranoid by looking at other options?

There seems to be many "off label" options out there, that may, or may not, be right at taking out this beast, but then again are they right for me? They are, after all, outside of the box options that may work for some, but not others. My journey with this disease has been anything but "normal", and therefore makes me leery of everything. Like treatment now, treatment later, clinical trial...etc.

I recall thinking at 48 when I was diagnosed the very first time, as well as the next two diagnosis after that, that I just wanted to make it to 50! Having had three cancer diagnosis all within a year, odds did not seem that good I would. Goes to show you what numbers and odds mean in the bigger picture of things, NOTHING!

The holidays are fast approaching, the Bachmeier,(Brenda's mom's side of the family) Annual Christmas get together is this Sunday, my 53rd Birthday is in a week, which by the way I'll be spending in a Luxury suite at the WFCU Center for a Spitfires game, my son won a luxury suite for the game from Automaxx Pre-Owned Super Store, and then Christmas and New Years.  So,I'll put it all aside all the "watch & worry" for now, enjoy the get together this Sunday, my Birthday, Christmas, New Years and the time with family and friends the holidays bring, and pick up the watch & worry again some time in the new year. My next oncologist appointments are in January and February, so I'll discuss these issues with them then.

I'll post another update after my Birthday to keep you all abreast of all that's going on this coming week, until then.

Tim, xxx